Not in a good way. This is more of a tripping over my own feet and falling over type way.
Last night I actually thought to myself as we walked back to the car why am I taking these pills? I feel great. I was a bit tired, but that’s because our dear mini midget hasn’t let us get a full night’s sleep since the weekend and we’d been out for the evening.
This morning I was mildly zombiefied. My brain stayed in bed and I’ve had more blonde moments than a barbie working as a bunny girl. But this evening a familiar low has crept back in. I’m really tired and work sucked. Properly sucked (there are days when I wonder why working with people seemed like a good idea because some of the people I’m meeting in my job interviewing are infuriating beyond belief. That combined with the fact that some days I just want to hermit and people just piss me off by using up too much oxygen near me). So as soon as I walk through the door I was confronted by the kids being overjoyed at our arrival and my dad grumbling that I’d forgotten to tell him some of today’s schedule. I’d fogotten. I can’t keep track of what day it is, let alone the social arrangements of my kids that seem to get more complex daily. There is a calendar with everything written down.
So just generally I’m feeling harassed and got at. Which means that for tonight I’m back sitting down my well watching everyone else walk around on the surface while I hide in the dark bit where I feel safe away from people. Ok, the well is a metaphor for me retreating inside my head, but it’s the idea that I’m still watching people carrying on with life, it’s just that while I’m down here they can’t see or reach me until I decide to float back up again. At least now it’s float rather than ping into the sky. It might be dark and unpleasant down here but it’s familiar ground where I can hide out until I’m ready to face the normal people again. And seeing as today the normal people decided to behave like fucktards, they can keep their normality for now, I’m off back down where I they can’t get to me.
